FIlm study… week 66

St Trinian’s 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold

The first St Trinian’s film was kind of cute and funny in its irreverent silliness but making a second one was just overkill. It smacks of an attempt to cash in and you can tell that it was a vastly inferior product by the fact that half the original cast didn’t return and those that did seem embarrassed to be there. There are secret societies and pirates and a treasure… and David Tennant, but not even he can save it. Avoid.

Made In Chelsea... Nights!

Platoon

A young Vietnam War volunteer (a remarkably fresh-faced Charlie Sheen) finds himself in a platoon where the boundaries of right and wrong have been worn away by the horrors of war. When two rival sergeants (Tom Berenger and Willem Defoe) clash over the treatment of some villagers, the platoon must take sides with fatal consequences. This seminal war film personifies the genre and is a must-see, although be prepared to leave feeling utterly disgusted with humanity.

Somehow the 1972 Vietnam Hunks calendar just wasn't flying off the shelves

Limitless

Bradley Cooper plays an unemployed writer who is introduced to NZT, a drug that allows him to use 100% of his brain. Soon he is rich and successful beyond his wildest dreams but when the side-effects of the drug manifest themselves he realises he might be in way over his head. This actually really wasn’t bad. Cooper is believable as both a loser and a slick genius and although I initially scoffed at the ending, in hindsight it was actually rather clever. The only real downside is the lack of chemistry between Cooper and Abbie Cornish, who plays his put-upon girlfriend.

And den de wurds just fallz from de sky... and dat's how I writez de book

Wuthering Heights

In order to clarify which one of the numerous adaptations of Emily Brontë’s Gothic novel, I’m talking about. This is the 1992 version, starring Juliette Binoche and Ralph Fiennes as cursed lovers, Cathy and Heathcliffe. We all know the story, posh Cathy falls in love with her wild foster brother, Heathcliff. Cathy spurns Heathcliff for more refined friends, Heathcliff takes umbrage and runs off, only to return and ruin everyone’s life out of spite. This should have worked but Fiennes isn’t broodingly beautiful enough to pull off Heathcliffe (I keep looking at him and seeing Voldemort) and I’m pretty sure, Yorkshire lass, Cathy didn’t have a thick French accent… read the book.

And this year's Oscar for best use of Smell The Fart Acting goes to...

Twelve days to tube rage

I’ve been back in London for twelve days and my holiday buzz has officially worn off. Possibly it has something to do with the fact that I’ve been getting up every morning and heading to work while my husband and houseguest slumber on, but it might also be because, frankly, the tube just hasn’t gotten any better this year.

I mean, I wasn’t exactly expecting it to suddenly become efficient or spacious or less full of dickheads… but when you haven’t been on the tube for a while you suddenly forget just how soul-destroying commuting is.

I don’t think this is exclusively a public transport phenomenon, while in car-crazy South Africa I heard enough of my friends exclaim with glee how empty the roads are in December in Johannesburg and I’ve seen enough wall posts on facebook cursing the traffic and the broken “robots” as I’ve seen “I hate the tube!”

I guess the best way to cope with the creeping rage as someone rests their bag, face… self… on you or shoves you out of the way to nab the last seat or demands that you move down when the only available space is clearly the luggage rack (same goes for when someone cuts you off, stops randomly or runs a red light) is to remember that that they’re all just trying to get to work and that they’re just has harassed and exhausted as you are.

That would probably be the most karma-friendly approach. Unfortunately I’ve never mastered this approach. I prefer to fantasise about how I might murder everyone who has crossed me on my daily journey (read epic battle of doom) to and from work. I also like to intersperse this with occasional thrown elbows, dirty looks and well-timed toe trampling.

I am relatively sure that the amount of negative energy I have transmitted into the universe in the last twelve days has probably put me into negative karma for the rest of the year, however I just can’t stop imagining burning the luggage of every tourist who crosses my path… and if I’m honest… it feels pretty good.

So before I end up becoming the next Kazran Sardick, does anyone have any good rage busting tips… apart from actually pea-shooting people with prams?

It could be worse...

Film study… week 65

American Gigolo

Richard Gere plays, Julian, a stylish male escort who is framed for the murder of one of his clients, just as he begins a relationship with a local politician’s wife (Lauren Hutton). I heard this was brilliant but I found it all a bit… meh. I guess it was exploring sexual taboos in the 80’s when it was released but now a lot of it just seems a bit old hat. The score is good though.

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me!

Shame

On the more modern side of the sexual taboo rollercoaster, is current release, Shame, featuring Michael Fassbender as Brandon a successful New Yorker burying his feelings in a voracious but empty sex life. When his messed-up sister (Cary Mulligan) arrives unannounced, she unsettles his carefully managed life with devastating consequences. Fassbender is extraordinary in the role of someone so emotionally stunted that he incapable of communicating on any genuine level until it’s too late. Must-see… but expect to leave the cinema feeling battered and be warned… there is no fear of nudity in this one…

The only reason you can't see my penis in this shot is because I have my back to you

Jane Eyre

More Fassbender. This time he’s playing Mr Rochester to Mia Wasikowska’s Jane Eyre in the latest screen adaptation of the eponymous novel. While all the atmosphere of the moors is delivered and Fassbender is a satisfyingly sexy Rochester, the creeping tension and mystery that makes the novel so unputdownable, just isn’t quite there. I suspect that if you hadn’t have read the book it would have been fab but having read the book… it didn’t measure up.

What do you mean, I'm overdressed? Didn't you see my penis in Shame!

Source Code

A US soldier stationed in Iraq (Jake Gyllenhaal) wakes up on a train in a stranger’s body with no recollection of how he got there. When the train is destroyed he discovers that he’s part of a government mission to foil a terrorist plot but what is it that they’re not telling him? This isn’t bad at all unless you’ve seen Inception and if you haven’t seen Inception… just go and see Inception!

Where did I leave that spatula? Think, Jake! Think!

Film Study… week 64

An Affair To Remember

Back to the classics with this one. During an ocean cruise, Terry McKay (Deborah Kerr) meets famous man-about-town, Nickie Ferrante (Cary Grant). Although neither of them is available, they fall in love and agree to meet six months later at the top of the Empire State Building, but something prevents Terry from arriving and their burgeoning romance is put under threat.  I know this film is supposed to be the height of romance but I was a bit puzzled by the fact that the spanner in the works appears to be mostly around a woman’s fear that a man will reject her because she is disabled… which I just couldn’t get my head around.

Look, darling, I know I had the garlic last night but can we please at least sit at the same table!

St Elmo’s Fire

This Brat Pack classic follows the lives of a group of friends as they leave college and struggle to come to terms with the real world. The themes are pretty broad in this one… drug addiction, infidelity, bizarre obsessions with virtual strangers, sex and sexuality… some bits are great and some bits are a bit predictable… but if you’re a fan of the 80’s you’ll enjoy it… especially if you like a bit of Andrew McCarthy… woof!

The 80's... when bad hair happened to good people

Crazy, Stupid, Love

When suburban dad, Cal’s (Steve Carrell) marriage breaks down, he seeks advice from serial seducer, Jacob (Ryan Gosling) but Jacob is not immune to the lure of real love and Cal can’t quite suppress the inner dorky dad lurking between his new smooth exterior. This film is charming but a bit forgettable. There are really funny bits, particularly the abortive one night stand between Jacob and reluctant conquest, Hannah (Emma Stone).

So what do you think? Is it a pimple or just a freckle?

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

In this second instalment of Guy Ritchie’s reboot of the Sherlock Holmes adventures, Holmes (Robert Downey Jnr) and his faithful sidekick, Watson (Jude Law… who should never, ever remove his moustache) face their most challenging foe yet, elusive career criminal, Professor Moriarty (Jared Harris), a maniac hell bent on causing a world war for the sake of profit. I won’t deny that round two is full of blistering action, loads of laughs and enough of Holmes’ odd quirks to keep anyone entertained… it’s just not quite as good as the first one. Not that that should prevent you from seeing it, since it’s still better than most other things out there. Oh, and for the naysayers who say that Ritchie has turned Holmes from an academic into an action hero… I’d suggest that you actually read some Arthur Conan Doyle… he was always an action hero!

Holmes suddenly wondered if replacing hair gel with gunpowder was a good idea...

A return… and two weddings

After almost a month Mr Osbiston and I are back on British soil. Despite the fact that it’s rather a lot colder here than it was in South Africa and that we very much miss our friends and family that we left behind, it’s rather nice to be back in our little flat.

There is no way to describe our trip other than awesome… despite the fact that on the way to Johannesburg we got stuck in Frankfurt for 14 hours. Damn you, Lufthansa!

While all the time we spent hanging out in Joburg and exploring Stellenbosch, there were two major highlights to the trip. The first highlight was Lauren and Beert’s amazing wedding at which I got to be a bridesmaid.  The “flame of love” themed ceremony took place at Kaapsehoop near Nelspruit, a stunning small town resort surrounded by wild horses. Although the beautiful bride was impressively zen I can’t help but think that I must have caused some stress since the Lufthansa debacle meant we only arrived three hours before the wedding!

The other highlight was Paul and my second wedding. From my perspective it was quite different from the first wedding. In one way it was much more relaxed but I might have over relaxed since I woke up four days before the wedding and realised that I had done almost nothing. Fortunately I had Maid-Of-Honour Extraordinaire, Bronwyn Costine, at my side… without whom there might not have been a wedding at all.

This time the wedding took place at my old high school, which might sound a bit random, but the building is incredibly beautiful. We exchanged our vows under the trees in the front garden, with Lauren as our chief ceremoniser and then danced the night away in the hall. This time we went the whole hog and had our first dance to the slightly unusual choice of I Got Love by The King Blues. I think the show might have been stolen somewhat by Nolan and his seven month old daughter, Aiden, joining us for the father-daughter/mother-son dance.

I can’t thank everyone who helped us with the preparations enough. It was such a special day. Below are just a few photos from the day… and no you do not want to know what it took to get my hair that big…