Film Friday #131

Star Trek: Into Darkness

After Admiral Pike (Bruce Greenwood) is killed during a terrorist attack, Kirk (Chris Pine) must lead the crew of the Enterprise on a daring mission to track down the perpetrator (Benedict Cumberbatch). Armed with a cargo of mysterious long-range missiles they head for the hostile Klingon home planet, Kronos. Soon Kirk realises that he and his crew are being manipulated and the only person who might be able to help him save The Enterprise is exactly the person he’s been sent to stop. The latest instalment in the iconic Star Trek franchise is action-packed, absorbing and looks absolutely spectacular on screen. It’s worth watching for the interaction between Kirk and Spock (Zachary Quinto alone), with one moment in particular bringing my Trekkie husband to tears. Bless. Add in action Cumberbatch, who is surprisingly sexy even while playing pure bad, and you’re onto a winner. Unfortunately there is no escaping the fact that Chris Pine is no more than a fair to middling actor with a passing resemblance to William Shatner. He just doesn’t quite have the chops to carry off something quite so epic. 3.5/5

This is not the luxury full-body massage I paid for

The Black Dahlia

It’s 1946 and cops, Dwight ‘Bucky’ Bleichert (Josh Harnett) and Lee Blanchard (Aaron Eckhard) are brought together for a boxing match in order to raise the profile of their police department. The two become firm friends and partners, taking on the high profile case of a young murder victim known as the Black Dahlia. It doesn’t take long for the case to start to affect their personal lives, while dredging up old grudges from the past. I have to admit that I found this attempt at a vintage noir clumsy and difficult to follow. There are so many subplots on the go at once that it involves a monk-like level of concentration that I just couldn’t be bothered to muster. I also found the heavy handed lesbian storyline exploitative without adding anything. 1/5

Cause of death: boredom by subplot

A Dangerous Method

At the birth of psychoanalysis, psychiatrists Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender) and Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen) are at the forefront of the new movement. As the two develop an intense and sometimes explosive relationship, Jung tries to balance the rigors of family life with his intense attraction to a patient (Keira Knightley), who enjoys a bit of recreational spanking. I rather enjoyed the beginning of this film and found that Knightley was a lot less annoying than usual and pretty good at playing insane. Goodness knows what was happening with the accents though. Towards the middle it started losing its way and by the end I was bored and just wondering what the whole point was. It can’t just have been Fassbender putting a corseted Knightley over his knee… surely… 2.5/5

Mike had just broken the news to Keira that she’d won a date with Nigel Farage

Kaboom

After attending a party strange things start happening around college student, Smith (Thomas Dekker). He is blacking out, being followed by shadowy figures in animal masks and also oddly sleeping with pretty much everyone he encounters. As things get weirder and weirder he realises that the father he believed was dead might not be so dead after all and that he might also have super natural powers. This is an absolutely bonkers film that makes next to no sense. It seems like writer/director, Gregg Araki, just wanted an excuse to write up a bad acid trip and show loads of beautiful young people getting it on with each other. A theory further supported by the fact that it ends abruptly, seemingly at the point where Araki wrote himself into a corner and gave up. I have to admit though that I found myself weirdly sucked in so I can’t write it off completely. Also if there are any Secret Circle fangirls out there (highly unlikely since it never got past a the first season) they might enjoy watching Dekker lust after his onscreen roommate and Secret Circle cast mate, Chris Zylka. I imagine reams of slash being written. 1.5/5

It’s Keira Knightley. She says she’s been kidnapped by Nigel Farage

Film Friday #130

The Place Beyond The Pines

When daredevil travelling motorcyclist, Luke (Ryan Gosling) returns to Schenectady he discovers that his former lover (Eva Mendes) has given birth to his son without telling him. Determined to be a better father than his own was, Luke decides to stay and provide for his family but with limited marketable skills he resorts to robbing banks. This thrusts him directly into the path of Avery (Bradley Cooper) an ambitious cop trying to escape the shadow of his Supreme Judge father (Harris Yulin), who also coincidentally has a baby son. As these two young fathers cross paths they set off a series of events that will stretch forward over years to come, with devastating consequences for their sons. This is an engrossing, beautifully acted film but I’m not sure I was always convinced by the characters motivations, particularly Luke’s teenage son, Jason’s (Dane DeHaan) rapid personality meltdown. And if the overarching message was that nature triumphs nurture and all boys turn into their fathers, I’m not sure I agree with that either. I think for me it suffered from being over-hyped. I expected an absolute masterpiece and got something solid but ultimately underwhelming. 3.5/5

Hey, girl… I know my beauty is blinding. Just look away and everything will be fine.

Storage 24

On the day that Charlie (Noel Clarke) is going to meet his ex, Shelley (Antonia Campbell-Hughes) in their underground storage unit to divide up their stuff, a military plane crashes and loses its highly classified contents. Soon Charlie, Shelley and their friends are trapped in the storage facility being hunted by a scaly alien monster intent on chowing down on their faces. Will the two star crossed lovers resolve their issues before one of them becomes lunch? Eh… who cares? The acting is a bit wonky, the dialogue is hackneyed at best and although it succeeds somewhat in creating a claustrophobic atmosphere, the monster isn’t really that scary and soon if you haven’t dozed off, you’ll be gunning for everyone just to be eaten and be done with it. Hopefully sometime soon Noel Clarke will realise he doesn’t have to be in every film he writes. 1.5/5

Somehow Charlie had thought the hand of fate would be a little less… scaly

Mean Creek

When Sam (Rory Culkin) is beaten up by the school bully, George (Josh Peck) his older brother, Rocky (Trevor Morgan) and some friends plot revenge. They will lure George into the woods and play a humiliating trick on him to teach him a lesson. Unsurprisingly things get out of hand with terrible consequences. This is a relatively predictable story but also impressively nuanced. The bully is not a caricature or a monster and every one of the young characters is in some way the victim of a bully themselves  - demonstrating a seemingly inescapable vicious cycle. It’s an unsettling watch that will make you constantly wish you could intervene to stop the inevitable from happening. 3.5/5

Look I’m robbing you… but at least I am conflicted about it

Welcome to the Rileys

After the death of their daughter, married couple Doug (James Gandolfini) and Lois (Melissa Riley) are trapped in their grief. Lois is unable to the leave the house and Doug has lost all passion for his business… and Lois. When Doug meets a young runaway stripper called Alison (Kristen Stewart) on a business trip he feels compelled to stay and take care of her, spurring Lois into action. This is a fascinating and very look into the mechanics of grief and the affect it can have on both an individual and a relationship. Kirsten Stewart does well to commit to a role that requires her to look like a crack whore but then I suppose she had some practise in Breaking Dawn. This indie drama is not without flaws but it has a strong heart. 3/5

There was nothing Edward liked better than stripper night in the Cullen house

Film Friday #129

Iron Man 3

In this third (and possibly final) chapter in the Iron Man trilogy, we find Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr) tortured and sleepless after his recent battle with aliens. With all his energy focused on making new and better suits, his relationship with Pepper (Gwyneth Paltrow) is suffering along with his mental state. When a new villain in the form of terrorist The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) takes responsibility for a series of mysterious explosions, one of which has almost killed Pepper’s bodyguard (Jon Favreau), Tony makes an angry threat that results in the destruction of his mansion and most of his equipment. Forced to go to ground, he employs the help of a small boy (Ty Simpkins) to rebuild the one suit he has left. At the same time Pepper comes under threat when she rejects the potentially unethical plan of a former colleague (Guy Pearce) to rewire people’s DNA in a way that makes them “better”. Could these two things be connected? Well… duh! I am somewhat agnostic about superhero movies. Some are great some are absolute tosh. This one is somewhere between the two. The middle third drags rather a lot and while it is nice to see more of “Tony the man” than “Tony the suit”, the best part of this film is the ass-kicking final third. Whether you enjoy this or not will probably come down to how much you believe in the cult of Tony Stark. If you love the character, you will love this. If you’re less bothered about him then you’ll probably find this much as I did… a middle range superhero movie with some fun bits. One this I will say though is don’t bother to see it in 3D, there is no point, the adaptation is barely even noticeable. 3/5

Oh Iron Man, what a big slit you have!

Silver Linings Playbook

Shortly after Patrick (Bradley Cooper) is released from a court ordered stint in a mental institution he meets Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), a widow who has been dealing with her grief by sleeping with everyone she meets. As both of these damaged individuals lack any kind of social filter, the meeting is explosive but it doesn’t take them long to form a fragile friendship and for Tiffany to convince Patrick to enter a dance competition with her. Patrick sees this as a way to convince his estranged wife, Nikki (Brea Bee) that he is a changed man, while Tiffany sees it as a way to connect with a potential kindred spirit. It’s a relatively odd yet simple plot but the joy in this film is more in watching how two very strange individuals fit together so perfectly – it kind of made me think of Harold and Maude. The other interesting thing is coming to the realisation that everyone around Patrick and Tiffany is more than a little crazy themselves. Sweet, funny and more than a little weird this is an excellent vehicle for both Lawrence and Cooper’s not insubstantial acting talents. 4/5

look, ignore the garbage bag, I AM your postman!

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

After scientist Will Rodman’s (James Franco) research into an Alzheimer’s cure is shut down, he takes matters into his own hands by sneaking home the baby of one of his chimpanzee test subjects, who he names Caesar (Andy Serkis). Caesar’s mental development is beyond anything could have imagined and he becomes like a son to him and a grandson to his Alzheimer’s afflicted father, Charles (John Lithgow). But when Charles is threatened and Caesar loses his temper, he is locked in an ape sanctuary tormented by his sadistic keeper (Tom Felton) and unable to understand why his “dad” won’t get him out. Soon Caesar realises he is not like humans but not like other apes either and must decide who he really is, with devastating consequences. I expected to absolutely hate this, so I was pleasantly surprised to find the story engrossing. It has some pretty big plot holes but I think it got a bad rap at the time of its release. The star of the show is indubitably Serkis, who has a true gift for performance capture roles and manages to be recognisable despite not being visible. Worth a watch. 3/5

We have got to stop monkeying around like this

Swinging with the Finkels

London couple Alvin (Martin Freeman) and Ellie (Mandy Moore) Finkel have been together for nine years and the excitement has gone out of their relationship. Mostly because they are a pair of useless tits. They come across the genius idea of trying swinging to spice things up but their one foray into partner swapping leads to even more “weirdness” between them and Alvin moves out. But is the grass really greener on the other side? I have to admit that I picked this film of my Sky On Demand because it was only 85 minutes long and I was running out of time to get through four films for this blog. I almost instantly regretted my decision. It was one of the longest 85 minutes of my life. If the major talking point of a film is whether Mandy Moore removed the plastic covering of a cucumber before magically seeming to come to orgasm simply by shoving into her vijayjay along with whether you’d bring pajamas to a swinger’s party, something has gone wrong. This film manages to be crass, vulgar, cheesy and completely unfunny all in one go. It’s so full of first world problems that it makes you want to punch all of its smug, W1 living characters in the face. Avoid at all costs. 0/5

Bilbo couldn’t help wondering what would happen when the manicurist saw his giant hobbit feet

Film Friday #128

Moonrise Kingdom

When Sam (Jared Gillman), an orphan loner meets Suzy (Kara Hayward), a girl with a serious anger problem it is love at first awkward sight. While Sam is away at scout camp the two “lovers” plot to run away together, throwing their small island community into turmoil as they are pursued by local law enforcement (Bruce Willis), a band of rabid fellow scouts and a giant storm. Moonrise Kingdom has all the hallmarks of a Wes Anderson film – misunderstood outcast kids, strange outfits, unexplained weird family behaviour (Frances McDormand as Suzy’s mother talks to her children and husband through a loudhailer), Jason Schwartzman, a narrator… For some this is a good thing and I know he is a favoured director of many, but up until now I just really haven’t gotten it. However, I actually found this one quite charming. The unwavering purity of the connection between Suzy and Sam is lovely and creates a great juxtaposition with Suzy’s tendency to become violent at the drop of a hat. It also has a cracking soundtrack and a host of brilliantly bizarre adult supporting characters. I might just have turned a Wes Anderson corner. 3.5./5

Girl look at that body… I WORK OUT!

The Raven

After a series of deranged murders, seemingly inspired by Edgar Allen Poe’s (John Cusack) macabre stories, Detective Fields (Luke Evans) calls on the man himself to help find the perpetrator. But when Poe’s lady love, Emily (Alice is Eve) is kidnapped things suddenly become much more personal and Poe and Fields must race against the clock to save her life. This film has absolutely no redeeming features. The acting is lazy and haphazard, the character development is non-existent, the pacing drags painfully making the film feel about four hours long, in some places it’s so dark you can’t see what is going on and the dialogue is so clichéd and hackneyed it ends up being funny… and it’s really not supposed to be. I feel like this was trying to be Sherlock Holmes and failed miserably. In the words of one of the friends who watched this with me, “What happened to High Fidelity John Cusack?” Well I can tell you one thing, he’s not in this film! 0/5

Poe: “Is this a costume ball?” Emily: “No I’m just embarrassed to be seen with you.”

John Carter

John Carter (Taylor Kitsch), a civil war veteran is transported to Mars after coming into contact with a strange pendant in a cave. There he finds a vast tribe of twelve foot tall barbarians called Tharks who are amazed with his new found ability to leap through the air and think his name is Virginia. The Tharks are not particularly thrilled with the dominant humanoid looking residents of the nearby city of Helium, who are at war with a rival clan (I think… I got very confused). After escaping from the Tharks and falling in with Helium Princess, Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins), Carter finds himself thrust into the middle of the conflict, which is actually just a ruse to cover up the manipulating actions of the Ras – another race who are sucking the life out of Mars for their own ends. Complicated enough for you? Considering that this film is likely only to be enjoyed by seven year old boys, there’s probably a good case for dumbing it down a bit. It couldn’t draw enough of my attention to concentrate on the plot line and the minute I got distracted I had no idea what was going on. It is unlikely you are going to miss anything by not seeing this CGI-tastic snorefest. Unless you are seven, in which case you probably won’t care if it doesn’t make any sense. 1.5/5

He’s behind you!

The Lincoln Lawyer

Matthew McConaughey plays, Mick Haller, a somewhat sleazy defence lawyer who has made a name for himself getting dodgy clients off on technicalities. When his bail bondsman friend Val (John Leguizamo) puts him onto the case of mega rich playboy, Louis Roulet (Ryan Philippe) he thinks he has it made. Roulet has been accused of beating up a prostitute (Margarita Levieva) but claims that he has been set up. As Mick starts to see similarities between Roulet’s case and one he defended in the past he realises he might have been responsible for putting an innocent man behind bars. Backed into a corner by legal technicalities, Mick must put all of his less than savoury skills to use to bring the truth to light. If you have ever seen one of the slew of John Grisham adaptions that came out in the 90’s this “dodgy lawyer with a conscience and lots of tricks up his sleeve outsmarts the smart guy” thing will be familiar and like me, you will probably get the feeling that you’ve seen this film before… about twelve times. Matthew McConaughey is fine, as always playing himself but Philippe is as flat as ever. There’s nothing terribly wrong with this film but it lacks any originality and can’t quite be rescued by its rather entertaining supporting cast. 2.5/5

It says here you’re most well known for getting your arse out in Cruel Intentions

Film Friday #127

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Hushpuppy (Quvenzhané Wallis) and her daddy, Wink (Dwight Henry) live in a community on the Bathtub, an abandoned piece of land in the Louisana Bayou, away from the prying eyes of civilisation. Left mostly to her own devices the six year old Hushpuppy fends for herself, worries about the ice caps melting and tries to stay out of Wink’s way when he’s been out on the lash. When a terrible storm hits the Bathtub (presumably Hurricane Katrina), Hushpuppy’s already fragile way of life is thrown into chaos and she must find out what she is really made of. This is a film about dichotomies. While Wink is completely unsuited to parenthood, his desperate desire to take care of his daughter is very touching. As is Hushpuppy’s intense love for someone who neglects her so wantonly because he is all that she has. And while Hushpuppy is dirty, underfed and uneducated, there is something beautiful about how free her life is. Whether you are drawn in by the somewhat disjointed and overly self-aware device of having a story told through the eyes of such a young protagonist or not, this film is a must-watch just for Wallis’, performance. There are no words to describe how magnificent an actress she is. 3.5/5

So what you’re trying to say is that I should cancel our trip to Kentucky?

Warrior

Warrior follows the stories of two men as they prepare for and take part in a massive MMA tournament. Tommy Riordan (Tom Hardy) is an emotionally damaged former US Marine, with a substance abuse problem, trained by his until recently estranged father (Nick Nolte). Brendan Conlon (Joel Egerton) is a high school teacher and committed family man fighting to keep his home against the wishes of his loving wife (Jennifer Morrison). While Tommy has become an internet sensation by destroying a favoured opponent, Brendan is the ultimate underdog. As more of Tommy and Brendan’s stories unfold, the connections between the two men and both of their chequered pasts become clear, giving this “fight movie” ad added level of complexity. The acting is solid from all parties and Tom Hardy employs his usual chameleon like ability making him totally believable as man expressing his pain and frustration as rage. Worth a watch… even if just to perve on Tom Hardy… gulp. 3.5/5

PHWOARGH!

Elles

Juliette Binoche plays Anne, a bourgeois Parisian journalist researching university students who have turned to prostitution for an article. As she gets to know Charlotte (Anaïs Demoustier) and Alicja (Joanna Kulig), she discovers that while her privileged but boring life appeals to them, their seemingly exciting uninhibited lives are oddly alluring to her. Scenes of the two high class call girls with their clients – some genteel and some brutal – are interspersed with scenes from Anne’s mostly mundane life where she struggles to control her wayward teenage son and argues with her husband. Binoche is great and some bits of this are interesting but I struggled to understand what director, Malgorzata Szumowska, was getting at –  and not in a good way. 2/5

There’s a little girl on the phone. She says she’s found your chicken??

Detachment

Substitute teacher, Henry Barthes (Adrien Brody) drifts from one school to another making a concerted effort not to make connections or take on any responsibility in an attempt to free himself from having to feel anything. When he takes a job at a dysfunctional inner city school he finds himself drawn to fellow teacher, Sarah Madison (Christina Hendricks) as well as bullied student, Meredith (Betty Kaye). His detached home life is further unsettled by his snap decision to take in a child prostitute (Erica). This is much a study of the pain of isolation from those around you as the frightening state of modern education within the USA. This an emotionally intense watch throughout, but I found the hardest thing to stomach was Henry absolutely squandering his potential because he didn’t believe himself worthy of love. Beautiful but bleak. 4/5

My outfit’s ridiculous, In the club lookin’ so conspicuous.