Is the giant slipper the furniture of the future…

I know I’ve been going on about this on facebook and twitter but it’s literally one of the top 5 coolest things I have ever seen. This guy, Tom Boddington, ordered some slippers from Hong Kong… where you can order slippers in two different sizes. He wanted a 14 and a 14.5 but some kind of “clerical error” was made and instead Tom got a 14 and a 1,450.  This is him sitting in and next to his two slippers.

So there are two very obvious questions here:

1. When the people who made this slipper were constructing it, did they turn to each other at any point and say, “This seems a little out of the ordinary. Maybe we should check it.” Then after that when some poor soul was packaging it for shipping (at a meagre cost of £15.50) did they think, “My, that’s a lot of bubble wrap. Maybe we should check it.” I suppose I’m quite glad none of them work for me.
2. More importantly, have they actually come up with the greatest piece of furniture ever invented? Tell me you wouldn’t want to watch TV sitting in that in the middle of winter! You could make a double one for couples or even a family size one for mormons people with kids. If I could order one with a slightly more grown-up fabric and minus the toes I’d be on the phone to Hong Kong right now!

And if that doesn’t excite you… why not read this article proving that John Travolta and Nicolas Cage are vampire who have been alive at least since the 1800s. As if being a scientologist wasn’t dodgy enough…

I miss #twitter

It’s been almost a week now since I handed over my phone to be fixed and I have severe withdrawal symptoms. I think the worst bit is all the tweets I want to send… begging the question, am I addicted to twitter? What did I do before twitter? I think I just used to send Barb, Dawn and Kelly random texts of my thoughts but considering that it takes about 20 minutes to bash out a text using the geriatric predictive test on the loan phone of doom, even that isn’t really an option anymore.

But I still have my blog (lovely, lovely, snugly blog) so in the meantime I feel like I must release my tweets or bust… so I present you with a selection of thoughts from last week:

One is being followed around Boots by a security guard. One must be looking more suspicious than usual today.

Things with wheels should not be on the pavement. Pedestrians should be able to protect their right to the pavement with deadly force.

Things on wheels should not be in the supermarket. Small things on wheels should not be allowed to carry the basket. My knee hurts.

My hair drier has just made a terrible grinding noise and died. Unfortunately my hair is still half wet. #firstworldproblems#

Louis Walsh is the most ridiculous creature on telly. It should be rounded up and waterboarded.

Paul is treating our new sheets like a kid with a Batman suit. I have to wash them during the day and put them back on before he comes to bed.

I officially love #thefades although it makes me very, very scared and have nightmares.

Eavesdropping is the delicious reward for long distance public transport journeys.

I hate rugby.

Wondering who had this loan phone before me. The first option for the predictive text if you type in “soon” is “poon”!!!

Sunday roast, fnarg, fnarg, fnarg…

Google+ add me… and um, huh?

So I’ve found my way onto Google+ thanks to an invite from Claire. This makes me feel quite cool… although I don’t know quite why I feel so cool because I don’t really know what’s going on. I get that you put people into groups (circles) and that you can share different stuff with different circles… which is cool. However my inner lazy person can’t be bothered to migrate my whole life from facebook… plus almost no one is actually on Google+ yet. Anyway, if you are on Google+ go on and add me, if you search for my name, I’ll come up.  I have some of those to hand out as well so if you want one leave me a comment and, then you can join me for the general head scratching that seems to be going on.

10 provocative ice breakers

In one of his recent blogs, Mat Devine, who is one of my most favourite people (like Eugene Hütz and Tim Burton) published a series of 10 provocative ice breakers in response to a fan’s request for help in approaching strangers. His suggestions were:

 

MAT’S 10 PROVOCATIVE ICE-BREAKERS:
(source The Racoon Society)

1. Katzenjammer is a German word literally meaning “cat’s wail” and hence “discordant sound”, used to indicate a general state of depression, bewilderment or in reference to a hangover. Discuss.

2. What would you do with a billion dollars? I’d have my dentist give me Jon Bon Jovi’s veneers. The exact ones. Taken out of his mouth and put into mine.

3. Many people in NYC seem to be doing a lot of heavy drugs AND a lot of yoga. Paradox? Discuss.

4. The famous wedding march “Here Comes the Bride” is actually a refrain from the symphony Lohengrin composed by Wagner, an alleged Nazi. Discuss.

5. Why, in England, does it take 20 rich white dudes on horses and 30 attack dogs to catch one fox? Discuss.

6. Is semen considered meat or fish? How does this affect the sex life of vegans? Are you a vegan?

7. 5.4 million species of animals worldwide remain unnamed. Well? What’s everyone standing around for?

8. I just thought of a perfect name for a metal band: The Cuban Missile Crisis. Conversely, you know what’s a bad name, for a band or a person? Herman. Discuss.

9. Magellan was killed by a bamboo arrow to the face by one of Lapu-Lapu’s militia. Can we joke about that or is it too soon?

10. Enough idle chatter, let’s get down to the BIG issues: ‘Who are we?’ ‘Why are we here?’ and ‘Will Antonio Banderas EVER make a movie that makes me say, “Hey, I actually have a vague desire to see that”? Discuss.

Inspired by the awesomeness of these I thought I’d have a go too:

 

ABBI’S 10 PROVOCATIVE ICE BREAKERS

 1. If the word hairy means having a lot of hair, shouldn’t the word skinny mean having a lot of skin? Discuss.

2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? But more importantly, what exactly is a woodchuck?

3. According to David Icke, the world is controlled by giant lizards. Considering David Cameron, might he be right? Discuss.

4. Google… Gooogle… Gooooogle… sounds a bit stupid when you say it a couple of times, doesn’t it?

5. If you are what you eat are cannibals just trying to self-actualise?

6. Have you ever considered the possibility that everything around you is a figment of your imagination, you are the only thing in your world that is real and essentially you are completely alone in the universe? Do you need a hug?

7. There was once a mouse in the attic of the house I used to live in and I used to wonder if maybe he and his mouse friends would swarm over me while I was sleeping and eat me before I could wake up. Do you hear scrabbling?

8. Cockroaches have been around since the dinosaurs and a headless cockroach can survive for a couple of weeks before eventually starving to death. Do you think maybe David Icke is worrying about the wrong creature?

9. Every year, the average person is known to ingest 430 insects. I’m trying to stay ahead of the game. Would you like a fly?

10. We can only dream things we actually know. There may be strange faces and/or places in our dreams, but your mind is not making any of this up. You may not remember the places and faces during your life, but your mind does. Creepy, isn’t it?

Today’s expert social networking advice…