Film study… week 79

Super

After his wife (Live Tyler) falls off the wagon and runs off with her drug dealer (Kevin Bacon), loser, Frank (Rainn Wilson) has a religious experience and reinvents himself as a “super hero” called The Crimson Bolt. Unfortunately Frank doesn’t actually have any super powers or any money… fortunately though he does have a wrench and a lot of suppressed rage. He quickly inspires a deranged comic book store worker (Ellen Page) who becomes his sidekick as he attempts to fight crime and get his wife back. I suppose the best description of this film is black comedy but it’s hard to categorise it. It’s pretty off the wall so steer clear unless you’re into indie cinema. I thought it was great.

Neighbourhood posters: not just for lost cats

American Reunion

Thirteen years after graduation Jim, Michelle, Stiffler and the rest of the American Pie gang reunite for one weekend. Jim and Michelle are parents who have lost their bedroom mojo, Kevin is a henpecked house husband, Oz is a semi-famous sports presenter and reality star, Finch is a world traveller and Stiffler is, well Stiffler. I am not going to pretend that the “final” instalment of the American Pie franchise is a piece of cinematic brilliance but if, like me, you grew up with this gang, chances are you’re the same age and you can relate to at least one of the directions their lives have gone in. Unlike most sequels they’ve managed to get the entire gang back and it’s at least as funny as the wedding one. I cried with laughter through most of it.

Their lives may have changed but their shirts stayed the same

Mad Max

Set in a dystopian near-future, a speed freak cop (pre-insanity Mel Gibson) brings down a member of a vicious bike gang only to find the he and his young family have become the gang’s next target.  After a about half an hour of watching this we realised that none of the actors were speaking in Aussie accents, which was a bit odd being that it’s an Aussie film. Turns out we had the dubbed version?? The dubbing definitely detracted, so if you’re going to watch this, try to get the original. It’s nothing like the other two Mad Max films but it does have a similar sort of bonkers charm.

Wild boys, never losing, wild booooys…

Rango

Rango, a pampered pet chameleon (voiced by Johnny Depp) acts out scenes from play’s he’s written with the toys in his tank and dreams of glory. When he finds himself stranded in a small desert town during a water shortage, he can’t resist hamming it up and soon finds himself sheriff as a result of his tall tales. In over his head, Rango, must cross over to the “other side” to find out who he really is and save his new friends from a sinister plot to take their land. While this is animated, it’s not really for kids… and it wasn’t really for me either. I can see why people might enjoy it though so don’t let me put you off.

Hunter S Thompson… the chameleon diaries

Film Friday… week 78

Captain America: The First Avenger

After being rejected for military service several times, GI wannabe Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is selected to participate in an experiment that turns him into a muscle bound super soldier.  Then I fell asleep because it was all very boring and not even Chris Evans is pretty enough to keep me focused with so much waffling happening. When I woke up some guy with a red face (Hugo Weaving) was running around trying to out-Nazi the Nazis , which mostly seemed to involve making up his own Hitler-esque salute. Possible it would have made sense if I was awake throughout. This might be worth watching if you’re a big Avengers fan but it’s certainly not required in order to enjoy Avengers Assemble.

What do you mean steroids gave me moobs?

Avengers Assemble

After naughty Norse godling, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) rocks up on earth and nicks a shiny energy boxy magadget, S.H.I.E.L.D. boss Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) brings together a collection of humans with unusual abilities to defend the earth. So far, so whatevs. We’ve seen it all before. What makes this film worth watching is not the action element but the interaction between a group of people with very different ideas and ideals, who are all used to being in charge. From master manipulator, the Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) to self-righteous Captain America (Chris Evans) and self obsessed, Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr) everyone is attempting to steal every scene. Although in fairness it’s The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) who actually succeeds.  Joss Whedon has done an excellent job of balancing humour with action and you’re likely to enjoy this, no matter what kind of movies you’re usually into. Highly recommended.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No… it’s Subo with a jetpack!

The Cabin in the Woods

Five friends go into the woods for a weekend but it’s not long before things go horribly wrong and they realise that they’re not the only thing lurking in the woods. Typical horror film, right? Nope, this is more Joss Whedon, and this time he’s decided to explore the idea of what might be behind those “tropes” that most horror films are based on. And let me tell you, it ain’t pretty. More than this would be giving away too much so all I’ll tell you is that there is Buffy stamped all over this… in a good way. Even if, like me, you grew out of horror in your teens, this likely to keep you guessing and leave you pondering long after the credits have run.

Karen was adamant that her demons should stay in the damned closet!

Velvet Goldmine

Ten years after the hoax death of glam rock superstar, Brian Slade (Jonathan Rhys-Myers), reporter, Arthur Stuart (Christian Bale) is tasked with trying to find out what really happened, forcing him to relive his own coming of age.  Slade and his erstwhile sidekick, Curt Wild (Ewan McGregor, once again getting his knob out) are so obviously based on David Bowie and Iggy Pop that it is barely worth mentioning but it does add a frisson of excitement to this tale of sex drugs and rock ‘n roll, which starts well but loses its way up its own arse somewhere around the middle.  McGregor is brilliant which makes it painfully obvious that Rhys-Myers couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag. It’s a bit of a case of all style and no substance but still worth a watch, especially if you’re a Bowie fan.

If Kurt Cobain and Freddie Mercury had a love child…

Applying for a British Passport: Step 1: Another chapter in the “Diaries of an Immigrant”

Yesterday I finally started the multistep process of applying for my British passport. Admittedly I could have bypassed a few of the steps if I decided to go 100% pomme and give up my South African citizenship but what I learned from my father’s experiences is that you should never give up citizenship of your home country, even if it is a pain.

Fortunately the UK and South Africa are relatively chilled about dual nationality, although they have slightly different approaches, which I will explain through the analogy of marriage.

Being a British citizen is a bit like being in an open marriage. They don’t care who else you’re having it off with. They don’t want or need to know about it, just as long as you know that if you get into hot water with one of your other partners, they’re not going to bail you out. So if you get yourself into trouble in a country where you’re a citizen, the British High Commission will not provide you with any assistance.

The South African government have approached it a bit more like the South African president has approached marriage. It doesn’t matter if you want to have lots of wives but you have to make it proper and official and get the right paperwork.  President Zuma is moving onto his fourth official wife. Luckily I only want to have two nationalities…

Before you can request permission to retain South African nationality you have to get a piece of paper from the UKBA that says you don’t already have British nationality. It’s a simple process. You fill in a piece of paper and send it off to Liverpool and then they send you back some kind of certificate. I have to admit that as I put my form in the post yesterday morning I was a little puzzled by its bonkers sexism since it required me to fill in the name of my husband and father. Had I have been married to a woman, I would not have had to fill in my wife’s name and there was no mention of my mother.

I am expecting said certificate to be printed in gold leaf as I had to pay £88 for it.

Step two will be presenting my shiny gold certificate to the UK branch of South African home affairs, stay tuned for that exciting instalment (in approximately 10 working days)…

Jacob Zuma and wives 1, 2 and 3

EDF thinks I’m running the Large Hadron Collider from my front room

For those of my friends who live in non “first world” countries, I’d like to share a story with you that might provide some comfort the next time one of your “third world” utilities suppliers screws you over. For those living in the UK, just revel in the schadenfreude… next time it might be you.

The electricity in our flat is supplied by EDF. EDF and I have not been friends for a while now since they accidentally attempted to switch us to another supplier without our knowledge or permission and then bombarded me with marketing calls to find out why I had decided to leave them, even though I hadn’t.

Earlier this week I received a bill from them. I’ve been paying them £50 per month and I was expecting to be a few quid over or under for the six months we’ve been in the flat. Imagine my horror when I opened a bill for £2,614!

Mr Osbiston and I live in a one bedroom flat and we were away for about 6 weeks out of the 6 months. We’re not running the Large Hadron Collider from the front room. I’m not attempting to grow a weed crop big enough to supply the whole of Albania!

The reading EDF was working from was a supposed actual meter reading rather than an estimate so I decided to have a little look at our meter and see what it said. Turns out the EDF “actual” meter reading was out by twenty-two thousand units.

Fortunately when I rang them up they were most apologetic and recalculated my bill, bringing it down to the rather more realistic sum of £35.

The alarming thing is that if I we had been on holiday or something and not contested the bill in time, they would have taken £2,164 from my account by direct debit on 15 May. This is why you should always open your post!

Has anyone had a positive experience with any UK energy suppliers? I’m onto my third one since I’ve been in the country and all of them have messed up my bill at some point.

The Large Hadron Collider, just one of the things I am not powering in my flat

Film Friday… week 77

The Descendants

When Matt King’s (George Clooney) wife, Elizabeth (Patricia Hastie) is seriously injured, he is forced not only to take stock of his crumbling marriage but also to step into a much more hands-on parenting role with his daughters, Scottie (Amara Miller) and Alexandra (Shailene Woodley). At the same time he’s faced with the trying role of trustee of his family’s vast and valuable prime Hawaiian land. When I first saw the trailers for this I wasn’t sold. I got the impression that it would be a cheese-fest but in this challenging drama the emotions, relationship and the journey that Matt takes feel real and there is actual character development. I really enjoyed this, particularly Matt’s awkward conversations with Alexandra’s tag-along boyfriend, Sid (Nick Krause). Highly recommended.

Matt and Alex were surprised to find a large beaver in the back of the car. It did not resemble Britney Spears.

Sleeper

Neurotic health shop owner, Miles Monroe (Woody Allen, playing Woody Allen) goes into a coma during a routine operation in 1973 and wakes up 200 years later after being cryogenically frozen without his knowledge. Finding himself in a world ruled by a mysterious autocratic leader, he bumbles his way into the home of socialite, Luna Schlosser (Diane Keaton) and accidentally prompts her to join the rebellion. This is absolute, pure silliness with a focus on physical comedy. The “special effects” are disastrous and the premise beyond ridiculous but this adds to the humour.

The craze for genetically modified food is getting out of hand. Literally.

Mad Max 3: Beyond The Thunderdome

I unexpectedly loved Mad Max 2 so I was quite looking forward to seeing Mad Max 3 but this time the bonkers quota has been stepped up to a level beyond cool and edgy, descending into WTF? With no preamble, Max finds himself in Bartertown, a city powered by pig shit… yes really. After getting on the wrong side of Bartertown “ruler”, Aunty Entity (Tina Turner), he is exiled in the desert where he is rescued by a community of feral children, who need him just as much as he needs them.  It’s not that it’s terrible, it’s just nowhere near as good as Mad Max 2.

The new Steps line-up was ready for total chart domination

Season of The Witch

There’s nothing quite like a bit of bad Nicolas Cage and this definitely qualifies. This time Nic is playing Behmen von Bleibruck, a 14^th century crusader, who along with his best mate, Felson (Ron Perlman) has had a crisis in conscious over killing so many wimmins and childrens in the name of god. Having deserted, it’s not long before the two get roped into escorting a girl (Claire Foy), who is has been accused of witchcraft  to a remote abbey to stand trial. Accompanied by, convict guide, Hagamar (Stephen Graham) and knight-wannabe, Kay (Robert Sheehan) it’s not long before the party realises that witchcraft is the least of their worries.  There’s no denying that this film has its faults. The accents are all over the shop. The dialogue is extremely wonky, bouncing between forsooths and fuck offs. And most of all the “historical” element of the story is woefully inaccurate. However all of that said, it’s still kind of good in a kind of ironic bad Nicolas Cage way, which is why you should watch it.

Linda had PMS... and she had it bad!