Film Friday… week 77

The Descendants

When Matt King’s (George Clooney) wife, Elizabeth (Patricia Hastie) is seriously injured, he is forced not only to take stock of his crumbling marriage but also to step into a much more hands-on parenting role with his daughters, Scottie (Amara Miller) and Alexandra (Shailene Woodley). At the same time he’s faced with the trying role of trustee of his family’s vast and valuable prime Hawaiian land. When I first saw the trailers for this I wasn’t sold. I got the impression that it would be a cheese-fest but in this challenging drama the emotions, relationship and the journey that Matt takes feel real and there is actual character development. I really enjoyed this, particularly Matt’s awkward conversations with Alexandra’s tag-along boyfriend, Sid (Nick Krause). Highly recommended.

Matt and Alex were surprised to find a large beaver in the back of the car. It did not resemble Britney Spears.

Sleeper

Neurotic health shop owner, Miles Monroe (Woody Allen, playing Woody Allen) goes into a coma during a routine operation in 1973 and wakes up 200 years later after being cryogenically frozen without his knowledge. Finding himself in a world ruled by a mysterious autocratic leader, he bumbles his way into the home of socialite, Luna Schlosser (Diane Keaton) and accidentally prompts her to join the rebellion. This is absolute, pure silliness with a focus on physical comedy. The “special effects” are disastrous and the premise beyond ridiculous but this adds to the humour.

The craze for genetically modified food is getting out of hand. Literally.

Mad Max 3: Beyond The Thunderdome

I unexpectedly loved Mad Max 2 so I was quite looking forward to seeing Mad Max 3 but this time the bonkers quota has been stepped up to a level beyond cool and edgy, descending into WTF? With no preamble, Max finds himself in Bartertown, a city powered by pig shit… yes really. After getting on the wrong side of Bartertown “ruler”, Aunty Entity (Tina Turner), he is exiled in the desert where he is rescued by a community of feral children, who need him just as much as he needs them.  It’s not that it’s terrible, it’s just nowhere near as good as Mad Max 2.

The new Steps line-up was ready for total chart domination

Season of The Witch

There’s nothing quite like a bit of bad Nicolas Cage and this definitely qualifies. This time Nic is playing Behmen von Bleibruck, a 14^th century crusader, who along with his best mate, Felson (Ron Perlman) has had a crisis in conscious over killing so many wimmins and childrens in the name of god. Having deserted, it’s not long before the two get roped into escorting a girl (Claire Foy), who is has been accused of witchcraft  to a remote abbey to stand trial. Accompanied by, convict guide, Hagamar (Stephen Graham) and knight-wannabe, Kay (Robert Sheehan) it’s not long before the party realises that witchcraft is the least of their worries.  There’s no denying that this film has its faults. The accents are all over the shop. The dialogue is extremely wonky, bouncing between forsooths and fuck offs. And most of all the “historical” element of the story is woefully inaccurate. However all of that said, it’s still kind of good in a kind of ironic bad Nicolas Cage way, which is why you should watch it.

Linda had PMS... and she had it bad!

RECIPE: Best flapjacks in the world ever

I appear to have invented the best flapjack recipe in the world ever so I thought why be selfish when I could share it with you lovely people. This is for anyone who has ever bought a stodgy, tasteless shop-made flapjack, taken one bite and turfed it in the bin.

*WARNING: if you make these you will want to eat all of them. If you eat all of them you will get fat. I take no responsibility for any flapjack related weight gain.

Ingredients

120g butter

140g soft dark brown sugar

2 tablespoons honey

175g porridge oats

140g dried apricots, chopped

25g pumpkin seeds

25g flaked almonds

25g desiccated coconut

1 teaspoon, pureed fresh ginger

Zest of 1 lemon

Melt butter, sugar and honey together over a low heat. Stir in ginger. Put all remaining ingredients into a bowl and mix well. Add in melted butter mixture and stir together. Grease a 20cm x 20cm baking tin and press the flapjack mixture into it evenly. Bake at 160 C (140 C in a fan oven) for approximately 45 minutes. Check it at 35 minutes and if it’s not completely set, give it the extra 10 minutes.  Allow to cool in the tin until it is lukewarm, then cut into 16 squares. Allow to cool completely before removing from the tin. Do not be tempted to take it out earlier no matter how lovely it smells because the whole thing will fall apart.

Enjoy!

Film Friday… week 76

Your Highness

Tempted by the idea of a farce along the lines of Robin Hood: Men In Tights, I found myself watching Your Highness and almost instantly regretting it. Prince Thadeous (Danny McBride) has always lived in the shadow of his heroic brother Fabious (James Franco) but when Fabious’ bride (Zooey Deschanel) is kidnapped by an evil sorceror, Thadeous decides to join the rescue in order to prove himself. What made Men In Tights cool was that it was clever and tongue-in-cheek but Your Highness is so crude that I found myself cringing at every opportunity and wondering why Franco, Deschanel and Natalie Portman (who randomly strips off, while appearing as a warrior princess) agreed to this drivel. Avoid.

It's Subo, naked! Kill it! Kill it!

Horrible Bosses

Friends Nick (Jason Bateman), Dale (Charlie Day) and Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) are all plagued by horrible bosses. Trapped in their increasingly unfulfilling jobs, they decide the only solution is murder. There’s no denying that this is film is extremely silly but it also packs some pretty serious laughs and Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Anniston and Colin Farrell all clearly have a whale of a time playing the outrageous bosses. Good fun if you’re in the mood for a light-hearted giggle or if your boss has been driving your mad.

I know it was you that stole my Hello Kitty handbag and when I figure out how to prove it, you're going DOWN!

Moneyball

In this real life sports flick, Brad Pitt plays Billy Beane, the manager of a beleaguered baseball club called the Oakland A’s. Stuck for budget and desperate to win, Beane employs statistician, Peter Brand (A pre-skinny Jonah Hill) to help him choose his players according to mathematical formulae, much to the horror of everyone else involved in the club. Pitt is excellent as the unorthodox Beane and you don’t have to understand baseball to get sucked into this gripping story.

Bob was always happiest on the days when a new My Little Pony collection was announced

The Muppets

When uber-fan, Walter discovers that The Muppets are going to lose their famous theatre to Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) he ropes his brother, Gary (Jason Segal) and Gary’s long suffering girlfriend, Mary (Amy Adams) into helping him convince The Muppets to reform for one show. But does anyone even remember The Muppets? And how will Walter decide if he’s a manly muppet or a muppet of a man? This is very cute and very cheerful and likely to put a smile on your face. It was probably a little bit too saccharine for me but if you need cheering up, go for it. Also if you’re a fan of Flight of The Conchords, you’ll be able to see music director, Bret McKenzie’s stamp all over this.

It didn't take Mary and Gary long to get carried away with their muppet obsession

Film Friday… week 75

Paycheck

Ben Affleck plays Mike Jennings, an engineer who routinely works on confidential projects, allowing his employers to erase his memory to safeguard their secrets. When he is offered a massive pay check to give up three years of his memories, he can’t resist but when he wakes up the money is gone and he’s wanted for murder. With no memory of what’s happened, Mike has to piece together the clues he’s left for himself to get to the bottom of just what exactly he’s invented and what the implications are. This starts out well but towards the end it becomes a bit ridiculous and the whole thing never gets much past average.

Will this machine really make me forget years of my life? Could you erase Daredevil please?

Say Anything

This iconic Cameron Crowe romantic drama stars John Cusack as romantic underachiever, Lloyd Dobbler as he convinces beautiful overachiever, Diane Court (Ione Skye) to fall for him. While Lloyd and Diane try to navigate life after high school as well as what their feelings for each other mean, Diane’s life starts to fall apart in the background when the father she hero-worships proves not to be quite who she thought he was. Beautiful and subtle, this multi-textured coming-of-age film really captures the confusion and intensity of falling in love for the first time. Definitely worth a watch.

Lloyd's boom box aerobics weren't catching on quite like he'd hoped

Scream 4

I grew up with the Scream franchise so I couldn’t resist checking you this fourth instalment. This time Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) is back in Woodsboro to promote her book on the eve of the tenth anniversary of the original Ghostface murders. Unsurprisingly, Ghostface appears to be back, along with bickering married couple Gale Weathers-Riley (Courtney Cox) and Sherriff Dewey (David Arquette), except this time the target is Sidney’s niece, Jill (Emma Roberts) and her group of friends. I’ll admit a genuine gasp of surprise when the killer was revealed but for the most part this unscary horror plods along. Probably not worth the effort.

Any minute the turkey would come around the corner and Christmas dinner would be on!

2 Days in The Valley

On the hottest weekend of the year in the San Fernando Valley a complex hit job takes place leaving behind an interwoven thread of mayhem and misdeed that converge over two bloody days. Famously known for launching Charlize Theron’s career, this twisted satire is smart and funny and has late nineties stamped all over it… in a good way.

Dear, your pulse is racing. Was it all the excitement of a new vacuum cleaner?

Film Friday… week 74

Take Me Home Tonight

Four years after graduation, genius Matt Franklin (Topher Grace) is working in a video shop much to the disgust of his parents. When his high school dream girl, Tori Frederking (Teresa Palmer) walks in one day he takes the bold step of agreeing to go to his sister’s (Anna Faris) boyfriend’s (Chris Pratt) party along with his insane best friend (Dan Fogler). In attempting to impress Tori, Matt tells a rather large porky, putting their fledgling romance at risk. Attempting to make an 80’s style teen comedy post the 80’s might have sounded like a good idea but somehow the glorious clichés that were so much fun in the 80’s don’t transplant well and while this is not a bad film it’s just so predictable, it’s hard to stay engaged. Excellent soundtrack though. Recommendation: re-watch Sixteen Candles.

Teresa had a bright future ahead as a Kristen Stewart look-alike artist

Solaris

A psychologist (George Clooney) is summoned to a space ship orbiting a mysterious planet called Solaris, after the crew report strange happenings. Soon odd things begin to happen to him and he is forced to question the very nature of existence. It’s hard to say much about this film without giving away too much. I didn’t enjoy this dark, claustrophobic bit of sci-fi but if you were a fan of things like Moon you might.

Did you ever get that feeling your head was like... a bubble...

The Most Fertile Man in Ireland

Kris Marshall plays Eamon Hanley, a shy Irish Catholic dating agency worker obsessed with, Rosie (Kathy Kiera Clarke) who works in a nearby funeral home and doesn’t know he exists. When Eamon strays from his romantic path and impregnates local tart, Mary (Tara Lynne O’Neill) he finds himself being pimped out for his sperm by an opportunistic colleague (Bronagh Gallagher). At the same time he finally manages to catch Rosie’s eye but what will happen when she finds out that Eamon is the father of half the children in the surrounding area. There is something wonderfully surreal about the hyper-colour cinematography that gives this film a weirdly cartoonish feel but it probably could have done without the weird IRA subplot. Harmless fun if you fancy something a bit different.

That distraught feeling when you realise your man bag just doesn't match your shirt

True Grit

When fourteen year-old Mattie Ross’ (Hailee Steinfield) father is murdered by one of his employees she is determined to bring his killer to justice, employing drunken, trigger-happy U.S. Marshall, Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges). It’s not long before they’re joined by righteous Texas Ranger, LaBoeuf (Matt Damon) who is also on the murderer’s trail. But Cogburn and LaBoeuf just can’t get on and neither of these wild west “heroes” is comfortable taking orders from a teenage girl, no matter how determined she might be but at the end of the day only one thing counts, whether you have true grit. Steinfield is phenomenal as Mattie and it’s hard not to get sucked in to this Cohen brothers remake of the original. Highly recommended.

"Just hold still for one more moment", he thought. "And I'll have your hat..."