Film study… week 63

Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

After the death of his mother, Victor Frankenstein (Kenneth Branagh) becomes obsessed with creating artificial life, but the man he creates (Robert De Niro) terrifies him and Frankenstein leaves him to die.  Unfortunately for Frankenstein, the monster survives and is desperate for revenge. Compared to the cartoon depictions of Frankenstein I’m used to this was extremely creepy and De Niro is barely recognisable as the tortured monster. I’m off to read the book now.

Alex Reed was pretty sure his latest publicity stunt was going to do nothing for his career as a drag artist

The Hurt Locker

After the death of their commanding officer (Guy Pearce), an elite US army bomb squad falls under the command of a maverick sergeant (Jeremy Renner), who is battling not only the Iraqi terrorist threat but also his own demons. The tension created by watching the soldiers disable bombs that could go off at any second is matched only by the intense emotional trauma that they desperately try to manage in order to do their jobs. This is nail biting stuff and definitely worth a watch if you like your war movies.

Neil Armstong had a sneaking suspicion that he'd screwed up somewhere in the navigational planning

Play It Again, Sam

Allan (Woody Allen) is the absolute essence of neuroses. He over thinks absolutely everything, obsessing over minor inconsequential details and destroying his relationship with his wife in the process. When she leaves him, he turns to his best friends, married couple, Linda (Diane Keaton) and Dick (Tony Roberts), leading to a hilarious foray into the world of dating, with the spectre of Humphrey Bogart (Jerry Lacy) literally following him around.  This film has some serious laugh out loud moments and shows Woody Allen at his comic best.

You are a strong and beautiful woman... no one can take your spirit

The Basketball Diaries

In this film adaptation of writer, Jim Carroll’s teenage diaries, a promising basketball player’s (Leonardo DiCaprio) life spirals into crime, prostitution and homelessness after he becomes addicted to heroin. This is Leonardo at his waiflike, angelic teenage best and watching him go from that to absolutely ruined is harrowing. This will remind you why he’s genuinely a brilliant actor. Not an easy watch but a good one.

Shake it, shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture!

See you in the New Year

This blog will be going on hiatus from now until 11 January 2012 while Mr Osbiston and I journey to South Africa for our lovely friend, Lauren’s wedding as well as our second wedding… cos we’re cool like that.

We are flying off this afternoon and won’t be back on British soil until 10 January.

I have lined up one last Friday Film Study for you for tomorrow though, so look out for that.

For now, Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year. I will return with stories of South African Home Affairs, hot weather, BBQ festive dinners and yet another 50’s style wedding extravaganza.

Look… Christmas puppies!!!

 

Film Study… week 62

Burke And Hare

It’s 19^th century Edinburgh and the physicians of the day are somewhat puzzled about what actually goes on inside the human body, meaning that there is a high demand for fresh corpses and a spate of grave robbing. When hapless Irish immigrants, William Burke (Simon Pegg) and William Hare (Andy Serkis), discover that murder is rather more profitable than grave robbing, hilarity of the darker variety occurs. There is no question that Andy Serkis acts everyone else in this film into the ground and that it has a decidedly home-made feel about it but I found it entertaining enough, especially for the gigglesome sex scenes between Serkis and Jessica Hynde.

Santa: You're doing it wrong

You Can Count On Me

Single mom, Sammy’s (Laura Linney) life is complicated enough, but the simultaneous arrival of a nitpicking new boss (Matthew Broderick) and her unpredictable, drifter brother, Terry (Mark Ruffalo) throws her into turmoil. This is one of those films where nothing happens but it is beautifully acted and Linney’s turn as the flawed but caring, Sammy is excellent and Ruffalo shines as the well-meaning but confused, Terry. It’s a good watch as a study of sibling relationships, but make sure you’re in the right mood because the pace can drag a little.

I'm telling you, this tomato was the size of a human head!

The Scouting Book For Boys

When young teen, David (Thomas Turgoose) finds out that his best friend, Emily (Holliday Grainger) will have to leave the caravan park they live in, he agrees to help her go into hiding. It’s not long though before David is in way over his head and the burgeon sexual feelings he has for Emily turn to something much darker as he uncovers a devastating fact that Emily has been keeping from him. I will admit that I found the first hour or so of this film a bit boring but it quickly becomes harrowingly dark and after that I was glued. Not to be watched if you need cheering up but it’s an impressively creepy tale.

Hardcore Parkour!

St Trinian’s

Did St Trinian’s have a plot? Not really… something about saving the school from its creditors. Was the writing good? No. Was the acting good? No. Did I actually rather like it? Well, ashamedly, yes. I’m not sure if it was because my mum had a bunch of St Trinians cartoon books that I loved as a child or if maybe it was because I went to an all girls school and it took me back 15 years to my pyjama party days, but I found myself rather entertained. I wouldn’t in any way mistake this for a piece of cinema brilliance but it doesn’t take itself too seriously and it made me chuckle.

Mean Girls... the British reboot

Dear Royal Mail… my katty is ready…

While sending Royal Mail angry tweets today, I had to wonder… is this the future or am I just a sad loser? Recently Royal Mail has made me rather angry, mostly because I think my little neck of Wandsworth has a dodgy postie.

Over the weekend I received a delivery of two bridesmaids’ dresses for the South African wedding. Mr Osbiston and I were both in at the time, but the parcel, which was kindly sent signed for delivery by Vivien of Holloway, was half shoved in the post box, with a “friendly” note that said, “tried the bell a couple of times, no one answered.” Really? Our buzzer reverberates through the flat like a cat in a blender. Heaven forbid we’d been away for the weekend or off on the weekly shop before we went to check on the post. That was strike one.

Strike two involved the postman’s lack of reading ability. We live in 76A. On occasion we get 76’s post. In fact we have had an angry postman at the door, furious that we wouldn’t sign for their parcels even though I explained that 76 is next door. That I can half understand but recently we have also started getting 78’s post… as well as relabelled post that has been mistakenly delivered two roads over.

This means I now have to redistribute all the mail before I go to work in the morning. Is this pure laziness? And on my behalf or that of the postman?

I attempted to find this out from Royal Mail via twitter and the conversation went like this:

From their initial response, I get the impression that they’re not going to be all too bothered by any formal complaints I make.

I’m now waiting for strike three… after which I am going to wait on the front step with a katty and a determined look on my face. Postman… you are my mielie lady…

Sex doesn’t get worse than this…

Those of you who are writers will know that one of the most challenging things you ever have to face is the dreaded sex scene. Writing something that doesn’t inspire your reader’s cringe (or even worse, gag) reflex is a special talent that not everyone possesses and, dare I say, not everyone can learn.

It is comforting to know that not just amateur writers struggle with describing the “act of love” (I’m already cringing). In fact, some pro-writers have created scenes of such horror that The Literary Review now does an annual Bad Sex Awards, where the dodgiest sex scene from an actual published work of fiction is awarded the title.

I have been following the Literary Reviews tweets at @lit_review and I have some concerns as to whether some of the writers have actually ever had sex. With that in mind, below are some of my very favourite entries.

“Now he realised that he was inside [her], ejaculating toward her uterus.” – Grim

“He poked her now from the front and now from the back and now from the side.” – The side? What shape are this woman’s bits?

“she felt as though she were melting into a pool of delight, as his hand reached the soft fur of her mound” – brings new meaning to the phrase “panty hamster”

“She gave him this particular sign, this clear permission, and he began a careful prodding of her perineum.” – Prodding… PRODDING???

“His manhood had swelled to its fullness and strove for release.” – Mind of its own, it has!

“It surged up, until with volcanic release, it engulfed them.” – Engulfed them? Must have been some time since he, er, released prior to this.

“His middle fingertip settled on the no-man’s-land between her ‘front parlor’ and ‘back door’.” – Double grim!

“He kissed her again, slowly, felt the inside of her mouth with his tongue, then her neck.” –There seems to be a physical impossibility here…

“He came, standing, with both hands thrown high up over his head” – Waiting for a score from the judges?

“Where is my semen going? [His] garbled mind wondered.” – Um… really?

The prize will be awarded tomorrow, so make sure you check out the Lit Review’s website to find out who the “lucky” winner is…